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Oh thank Cthulhu, I can wash ma hands properly again.But we could go get ice cream instead, I suppose. Are ye busy? I was thinkin' about hackin' into the power grid for the western seaboard and causin' massive blackouts for the lulz.That I'm just as sweet and refreshin' too. But now ye see the truth, aye? I be as ginger as Canada Dry.But then again, ye could say lots of things. Did ye know lemurs have a matriarchal society? Ye could say it taught me about male privilege and equality."So we gotta try a kiss to break the curse? Haha! Ye've gotta kiss a monkey!" He puckers up, the sparkles and bubbles appear, and the face you're kissing gets much less furry.Are ye sure a pint won't do the trick? Aw well. Wut's that? We gotta snog to break the curse? Flippin' A, that's ma kinda curse.Lemurs don't need 2000 mg of taurine let me tell ye. Ma first energy drink, I failed to account for bein' a quarter ma size. I'd be more insulted if they did nae do it. All of me closeted furry friends are spammin' me with DTFs now.If yer wonderin' if that's ma new gamertag, yer damn right. Did ye know the word "Lemur" is Latin for "spirit of the dead".HA! I just realized that yer magic spell regressed ma genetics and throws evolution into doubt.Turn me into a cat next time, if yer feelin' kindly. I was just thinkin' how much I bloody love cats.I left a crumb train, so the NSA would raid ma home. I hacked into the Pentagon again today.A lemur's diet consists mostly of fruit and leaves.Just the sort to fit nicely in the friendzone. Nice and practical, and I can sell it online if I ever need extra scratch. The next twat that yells zaboomafoo in ma face is gettin' wrecked.He fell down! Hahaha! Oh, by the way, we're friends now. While you're outside getting some much needed sun, Anon looks up from his phone laughing.Don't be slanderin' me with yer baseless accusations. Also, this wasn't the most awkward way ever to ask for yer number. Good, I'm glad we understand one another.I'm puttin' yer number on there, and yer goin' to say nice things for me, aye? I'm lookin' for a character reference on ma resume.I was less concerned about the impulse, and more about the fact that there's a global banana supply database.
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